Monday, July 5, 2010

Startup no more

I'm having some problem coping up with the non-startup life. Ever since at college, i've been involved in a lot of failed startup ideas. I'm used to the ups and downs of a startup. If a business goes bankrupt or i will lose my work today, i can always change direction on that same day, and then move on with the next challenge. I'd like to say, that i'm good at building/being/doing a startup, from zero to 60 in 3 years. But beyond that, there's the fog of war.

Now, Caresharing is probably the longest startup-turn-bigger company i've been. I've been with it since it was just a 2006 meetup at Vienna's Cafe house at Mango Square. It has grown from a few people (me & Harm) at the beginning to almost 30 now. And i expect it will grow to add more people in the coming years, as we grow to expand our capabilities and offerings in Healthcare.

My problem with living in a non-startup company is the slow non-eventful, slow pace of life (did i just say slow there twice?). Don't get me wrong, often people tell me that's success (WTF?), that's it's time to enjoy it. Sometimes, i think maybe i can push the company to move fast or be more crazy, however i realize it takes a lot of effort to do that or sometimes it's just impossible, almost suicidal (yes, that's why its called crazy). Note, fast and slow here is relative. Fast in my world is going from zero to 60 then to crash in 6 months.

I don't think there's something wrong with a non-startup, i think there's just me and the non-startup/crazy life. I'm used to the crazy life for a long time, that on weekends, i still tell myself to "work" to do the next big thing. Or, work late at night to fix the problems or else the company will go down at 8am. And every Monday after weekends, i come back and realized, nothing's bad is going to happen, since there are other people in the company who's going to be there to make it *not* happen. I felt this more in the past months, where i have been trying to find the next holy grail. I think i have become more crazier in the past months.

Anyway, just like that, i'm startup no more, for now. This doesn't mean i need to change for anything. This just means, this is something i haven't figured out how to live with, yet. Maybe i can go back to my startup crazy days in a few years time again or on the side, who knows. Hopefully, TweeTiTow and BrewedCast will keep my startup world alive. :)

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